Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Fear, good or bad?

Fear is a big part of our lives. More I think than we like to acknowledge.
Most of the time it is easier to see and accept fears in others than in ourselves.
One of my biggest fears is not to be needed.
Because of this I tend to stray toward people that need help. Or at least in my perception need help. This is not always a good thing.

The gentleman I have been spending time with for awhile now has large amounts of fear in his life. Fear of body image, fear that he is not good enough, fear that people only want something from him, fear that if he spends too much time around people they won't like him anymore. All fears I can understand yet it hurts to see. We have a nice 3 day weekend planned and he made the comment to me "What if you can't stand me after only a day?" He forgot about hte reverse of that. What if he can't stand me after a day. I think two people with similar fears spending time in close quarters will be a good thing. It just might reveal if the feelings are real or percieved. Only time will tell.

Sometimes fear can be a good thing. It helps us stay out of dangerous situations. It can protect us from getting hurt if we listen. It can heighten our awareness of things going on around us. Overcoming emotional fear is difficult but necessary in order to grow at least for me. Small steps that might take a lot longer than we wish are sometimes what is needed.

Monday, June 27, 2011

Hmm what to do when choices are not easy

Choises.... they are a good thing so I am told.
Funny how sometimes they are not as easy as we would like to see.

Since losing over 150 pounds it still amazes me that I am treated differently by people. Because I am still the same person inside that I always was it makes me wonder if the people are interested in the outside only or who I really am.

I have a special friend that I have been spending time with since October.
He has helped me overcome some of my body image issues.
He says he cares yet frequently his actions do not match his words.
After several talks about why this is I do understand, but it does not make it any easier to deal with some days. How long do I allow for those baby steps to be taken? I know that I can be intense in how I show feelings to people and that it can overwhelm those that are not in the same place I am. Do I hold back or do I just be me? There is a button I saw that says "Never give up on someone you can't go a day without thinking about." Well, I have yet to go a day without thinking about this person yet there are times when it is painfull to do so. Again, how long before I have to protect me instead fo protecting the other person?

Now comes the other issue.
Another individual wants to spend time with me and become a friend.
I have no problems with that, as one can not have too many friends.
The issue is they have made it clear already that they are interested to see if it could become more. They want to take me out places and have me meet people they know. There is alot in commen and it is almost like talking with someone I have known for years instead of weeks. They are facign the same surgery that I have gone through and have some of the same body image issues I had and still have. I know I can be a support, but don't want to encourage when there is not really a chance for it to progress. How or do I enjoy the friendship when it could become complicated?